Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
