Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
