Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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