I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
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WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize