I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
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