glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
