Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
