I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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