i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
false alarm. still invincible.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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