so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Randomize
