I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
