I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
