Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
