we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
