I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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