I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
