Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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