I hate your face
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
