mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
