After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
