dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
