he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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