he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
