The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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