and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My ATM looks so different sober.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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