I hate all girls vehemently.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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