We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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