Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
