I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He felt like a one man threesome
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
