Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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