I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
