There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
