you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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