i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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