I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
