Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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