babies were throwing up all over the place
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
