so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
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Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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