I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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