i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
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Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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