i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I will be naked everywhere
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
