i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
