Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
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Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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