Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
