so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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