i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
