this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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