it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
