Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
