she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
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Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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