Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
