Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
