Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
