naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
