Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
