Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
