Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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