Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sarcasm needs its own font
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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