i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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