I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
