So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He kissed a someone with a penis
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
