I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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