THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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