That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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