you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
