I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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