I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's the barista slut.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
