Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
