So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
