I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize