So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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