If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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