I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it because I queefed?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish they made helmets for livers.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
