No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
