yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
"it" just moved
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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