Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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