Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
