You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
